Depression Couldve Killed Me…

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imageI will probably be judged after this, but I’m so confident in myself that I no longer care what other people think.

Have you ever had those mornings when you wake up, but your heart is so heavy that it’s hard to actually get up?

Or those moments when you are surrounded by large groups of people and you still feel alone?

When I dealt with depression, I often felt like that. Saddened because I lost friends, I wasn’t in college anymore and I honestly was just disappointed in myself because I knew my potential.
Then what makes it worse is when your family and friends remind you that you aren’t doing good when asking questions and comments about your life.

Have you ever fought with suicidal thoughts? You are literally racing with death.
Should I kill myself ? How can I do it? I am tired of not being happy. Besides, that’s what the devil wanted me to think. He wanted to make me think that I was useless and I didn’t deserve to live anymore .
There were plenty of mornings when I wanted to commit suicide. I wasn’t happy , and I was tired of pretending. I was saddened, anxiety triggered and I was just lonely mentally.
People tend to brush off people with depression and anxiety because they feel like “you will get over it.”
How can I Get over my issue when you’re constantly discouraging and hurting me? Perfect reason why I never wanted to open up to others about my problems. Many times I tried to cry out, but no one was caring enough to listen without responding with things like “your life can’t be that bad, you will get over it.”

And they were right, I got over it. But it wasn’t because I brushed it off. But because I decided to stop  relying on people and
I connected with Jesus. I cried out to God for change. I read His Word. I changed my surroundings. I stopped unhealthy habits. And most importantly I stayed faithful to Him.

Of course the devil approaches me daily because he wants me to be in his arms again. But that isn’t me anymore.
Yes I have stressful moments where I feel discouraged , but God is with me now. Instead of wanting to hurt myself, I love myself. Instead of wanting to give up, I keep my head up. Instead of seeking love and help from people , I go to God.
People often ignore these things that people go through. But I’m here with my testimony to tell you that I love you and I’m here to listen.
God doesn’t focus on your imperfections, He wants to help you. He wants you to ask Him for advice. He wants you to do everything but ignore Him.
I don’t know if you are dealing with depression or just anything that is hurting you but I am here to tell you that I accept you and I understand you .

I love you.

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