But It Was Too Late……


She pictures herself falling out of love with her needles and bottles.
Her room is saturated in old , leaking fast food cups and bowls of hard stained milk and crusty cereal.
The clothes on the floor are their own world, living inside are dirty mismatched socks , with too little polka dot pajamas that she no longer wears.
Notebooks are filled with unreached goals and poems that no one has ever seen , she still pretends to be a famous writer.
There is a lazy dog in her bed, he only wakes up when she is gone.
Even the dog is tired of the way she lives.
Her mom prances around the house in a luxurious trench coat, wishing that her daughter would become a cheerleader or date a jock.
She’s ashamed of her daughter, why did her daughter end up this way?
She doesn’t act concerned though, she just goes to work in her trench coat as if her daughter isn’t laying in her bedroom surrounded by drugs.
There is weed, there are pills, a little packet of white powder, and there are bottles of liquor spilling out on the floor.
Old corona bottles are peeping from under the bed.
Her finger nail polish is chipped, it’s been months since she has painted them.
Her lighters are color coordinated, she chooses the black one.
She wants to die but at the same time she doesn’t.
She just wants to scare her mom into loving her.
She just wants to fall in love with someone and out of love with drugs.
She loves herself but not enough to make better decisions.
The drugs love her , she thinks.
They comfort her, they calm her down, they make her feel powerful.
But really she is just asleep from the high.
She will wake up and clean her room and clean her act.
She will wake up and tell her mom that she really wants to change her life.
She will wake up and throw away the needles, and bottles, it’s time to clean her room.
She will wake up and start over , she said .
But she never wakes up because she took a little more on accident.
She never wakes up because she didn’t pay attention to the needle.
She never wakes up to be the girl that she wanted to be.
She died in her sleep.


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