Learning to Let Go

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A typical morning for me is to wake up, and get Kingston ready for school. It sounds easy, but it is honestly the biggest headache ever. He doesn’t listen half of the time because of his Nintendo DS, which I usually snatch away from him. I know, I’m such a mean mom, *rolls eyes*. He partially cries / begs to watch a movie while he gets ready, but he never can decide on which one to watch. By this time I am over it. JUST PICK A FREAKING MOVIE,  that’s how I feel most of the time. Okay, bath time, oh gosh bath time. He doesn’t believe me when I say it’s “just soap”, in his mind he thinks it’s some kind of poop that dinosaurs dropped in the tub and he doesn’t want it to touch him. By this time, I’m very over it. IT’S JUST SOAP!!!! OK, calm down, calm down he’s just being a cute, annoying , average toddler. Breakfast, eh….oatmeal is his first choice. Then it is cereal, “I want cereal!” Of course we are out of milk and it is the end of the world for him. Gosh just eat the dang oatmeal. By this time, I am SO over it. I have a slight grudge towards that Nintendo DS because when I say Kingston over 5 times, and he doesn’t pick his head up one time, I just want to immediately take the DS and throw it away. No, usually when he leaves it, I tend to grab it and lay it. Okay, it can be addicting but still. You get what I’m saying. Now he’s all ready for school. And I start to hate it. No matter how much he irks my nerves, he’s my heart. My baby boy isn’t such a baby anymore. I never know what to expect when he leaves me. This world is so cold , and it frustrates me. I want to protect my son forever , but sometimes I won’t be there and that is what I struggle with every day. Being a mother is my job, and I don’t want to lose this job. But in order to do this job, I have to trust my Father. I have to trust that my Father will cover my son in his arms and protect Him from the enemies outside. Getting Kingston ready for school has helped me spiritually to start giving things over to God. I can’t do it all by myself, and God will never let me. Not saying I don’t still struggle in this area, I can say God doesn’t lie. God is real. And when you ask for help, He will do that and more.

 

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“Young Marriage Is Going To Ruin Your Life, They Said.”

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I am 23, married and about to be a mom of two. To some, I have ruined my life. To others, I have the perfect life. To me? I have a blessed life. Oh please don’t look at pictures of me and my husband and think marriage is easy. Especially on days where I’m being a brat to him or days he is too tired to deal with my goofiness. (I could kill him sometimes but he’s just too handsome.) Marriage is really nothing like I thought. I always thought I would be  older, with a big van, maxing out my husbands credit cards. My marriage is more like “Hey I gotta poop so can you hurry up in the shower?” Or “Oh my gosh I’m hurting can you rub my back pleaseee!” Yep, he’s my best friend,  that’s how we communicate.
Chris doesn’t know this but,  waking up to him is the coolest feeling ever. Especially mornings where he is so sleepy he doesn’t even notice his arm going around me. I just smile , roll my eyes and appreciate the precious moments.
Marriage is nothing you rush. Why did I get married? Well, we are popping out babies, and we are madly in love with each other,  and because it was what God wanted out of us. I don’t really know why people think marriage is so bad. I think people make marriage bad because of the self centered mentalities.
Do I get along with my husband all the time? Ha ha ha No. But would I ever leave his side? No. He’s my best friend. I’m in love with him. And there is nothing cooler than raising a family with a guy who treats me like a queen. I don’t think I’m ruining my life, actually I know I’m not.
But for the people who think my marriage and household is perfect,  you can forget that. We just choose God first and that is how everything falls into place.
Don’t rush marriage , please dont. Because it is a lot of work and it takes two strong individuals who are willing to sacrifice A LOT.
Instead of admiring others relationships, admire yourself. Pray that you mentally and spiritually become that person your significant other can love.
Besides, you only live once, stop begging for a marriage and just live your life. Whoever said marriage is the completion to life, lied. I’m married with kids but I’m definitely still going to have fun in this crazy thing called life.

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But It Was Too Late……

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She pictures herself falling out of love with her needles and bottles.
Her room is saturated in old , leaking fast food cups and bowls of hard stained milk and crusty cereal.
The clothes on the floor are their own world, living inside are dirty mismatched socks , with too little polka dot pajamas that she no longer wears.
Notebooks are filled with unreached goals and poems that no one has ever seen , she still pretends to be a famous writer.
There is a lazy dog in her bed, he only wakes up when she is gone.
Even the dog is tired of the way she lives.
Her mom prances around the house in a luxurious trench coat, wishing that her daughter would become a cheerleader or date a jock.
She’s ashamed of her daughter, why did her daughter end up this way?
She doesn’t act concerned though, she just goes to work in her trench coat as if her daughter isn’t laying in her bedroom surrounded by drugs.
There is weed, there are pills, a little packet of white powder, and there are bottles of liquor spilling out on the floor.
Old corona bottles are peeping from under the bed.
Her finger nail polish is chipped, it’s been months since she has painted them.
Her lighters are color coordinated, she chooses the black one.
She wants to die but at the same time she doesn’t.
She just wants to scare her mom into loving her.
She just wants to fall in love with someone and out of love with drugs.
She loves herself but not enough to make better decisions.
The drugs love her , she thinks.
They comfort her, they calm her down, they make her feel powerful.
But really she is just asleep from the high.
She will wake up and clean her room and clean her act.
She will wake up and tell her mom that she really wants to change her life.
She will wake up and throw away the needles, and bottles, it’s time to clean her room.
She will wake up and start over , she said .
But she never wakes up because she took a little more on accident.
She never wakes up because she didn’t pay attention to the needle.
She never wakes up to be the girl that she wanted to be.
She died in her sleep.
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No God, No peace. Know God, Know Peace.

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I have this quote “No God, No peace, Know God , Know peace” tatted on the left side of my hip. And this quote is so right when it comes to knowing God.

 

I was dehydrated spiritually. In need of a spiritual cup of water to fill me up and get rid of the dehydrated feeling that my heart had.

When I took the wrong route in life, I was so jealous of people who enjoyed church. I hated church. I did not think there was any reason for me to be inside of a building full of perfect people while I was out doing worldly things. So as I thought.

Finally life changed for me. I finally found myself. I finally found a church I liked. And I was starting to seek what life had to offer through God. But where I went wrong was believing that after I made all of these changes , that I was going to have this “happy go lucky life without any problems.” Oh God, you are something else.

I was completely hurt by what I saw in some churches. The lies, the rumors, the selfishness , and the list goes on. Isn’t this the place where you are suppose to feel happy and safe? Yes, but what I didn’t know was that devils are literally everywhere. Even inside the most beautiful churches.

Where did I go wrong?

I wasn’t really seeking God like I thought. I was seeking a church with awesome people, good music, and awesome opportunities.

When really, I should have been seeking God , and only God and everything would have followed after.

There is no such thing as a perfect church. There is no such thing as having this perfect life without God being first in it. There is no such thing as finding happiness through other people.
I was dehydrated mentally and spiritually because I was chasing the wrong things. If the music was awful, I would leave. If someone looked at me wrong , I would leave.

But now, I just pray that God allows me to come across a leader who will lead me and help me know God better. A church will forever hold flaws, but it is completely up to me to hold a true relationship with God by myself and seek His love and guidance that he has for me.

 

God is the Author of My Love Story….

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imageMornings can actually be extremely easy or extremely tiring. Just depends.
I often find myself contemplating sometimes about what clothes I will wear, what my hair will look like and even if I’m going to be “pretty” or not.
Silly I know, but really it’s true.
Chris, my boyfriend, looks at me early in the mornings, bed hair and all, and calls me his beautiful queen. Some days, I’m so exhausted from life , I catch myself skipping make up And cute dresses and substituting them with baseball shirts and leggings. Even after that disgusting feeling I get sometimes, Chris still looks at me and tells me that he is amazed at how beautiful I look.
On days I don’t feel good, I will throw on his T shirt and put my hair in a bun and call it a day around the house. I’m out of energy and he notices. He pulls me in for a hug and still compliments me and decides to take care of dinner because I was too tired to do so.
Working out leaves me sweaty and gross, but yet Chris still offers to hold me and tells me he loves me and whispers in my ear of how I am his pretty angel.
Maybe love isn’t perfect after all. But when you love all of the imperfections, it becomes perfect for you and that person. No matter what I look like, or what I go through, Chris is right there. Whether it’s to congratulate me or love me, he’s always there.
Kind of like when you aren’t perfect but God still takes His time to show you that no matter what, He will love you. His love is greater of course, but I am blessed to have such a loving guy in my life who loves me through my mistakes and all.
This isn’t about a love story, this is about a young woman who fed herself with guilt every day because she was ashamed of the wrong choices she made in men. This is about a young woman who chose to let God guide her until a man who respected her came along. This is about a young woman who is telling other young women that , there are many great men out here who will have to Go through God to get to you, but you have to be ready. You have to be ready to give up the bad choices, you have to be ready to give up the disrespect and you have to be ready to give up the wrong man.
Love is still out there, but so is God. Trust Him and He will lead you into the love that you need.

When Will You Wake Up?

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imageProverbs 5:26 “Take care you don’t stray away from the straight path , the way of truth and you will safely reach the end of your road.”
It is a must that we stay focused on doing what’s right. The Bible gives us warning about all of these inimagecidents that are taking place in the world right now, therefor it doesn’t surprise me when evil acts take place. But it does surprise me that people continue to sleep on God and His Word through these difficult times.

Wake up calls are everywhere, signs are pouring out everywhere but yet people still refuse to equip themselves spiritually.

What will it take ? We don’t know what lies ahead for us? We don’t know the time or the day…..
Are you going to continue to keep sleeping on Him? Or will you start leaning towards Him ?

Dead Beats Taught Me How To Love

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I’m pretty sure we all want to imagestrangle dead beat parents without hesitation.
Dead beat parents allow themselves to go absent when their time and love is needed the most which leaves children second guessing about a lot of things in life.
I must not be smart enough…
I must be ugly…
I will never be good enough…
Needless to say, children are awesome in my eyes and without a doubt I do believe every child deserves BOTH parents in their lives. But not just rare appearances from parents but love, care, full attention and discipline to structure their character.
My sons dad is not around, typical dead beat , thinks it’s highly amazing to neglect a child because I take care of him. Yes I use to hate him and now I don’t.
Oh let me remind you, I prayed probably a million times for the hatred to go away. It took forever. But what I did realize is that I didn’t hate him, I just hated how my son was being treated.
As a Christian though, I had to learn that it wasn’t my job to fix that. It was my job to be the best parent that I can be regardless of anything.
We focus on the abstinence of missing parents but honestly, we should just strive to love our kids as much as possible. Teach them how to love in negative situations, teach them how to forgive people who hurt us. It’s hard but it’s well worth it.
Dead beats show me that love is important. Dead beats motivate me to be the best role model I can be. A dead beat taught me how to love unconditionally, how to love when it hurts & how to forgive when it is hard.
If God can love us and forgive us when we are “dead beats” toward him, we can also learn how to love and forgive.